Him
by amystendanwhofan2023
Summary: "Every time I finally feel like my life is getting back to normal, there is always something that pulls me away from it, there is always something missing... and that's him." Three part fan fiction.
1. The Arrival

_Dublin, Ireland. I never thought I'd ever be back here, the last time I step foot in this airport I was on a mission, a mission to get my happy ever after which I almost had, for _

_four months of my life I was happy, he and I... we were so happy...like I had always dreamt. I'm here now though, alone...while he's locked up behind bars, I don't want to _

_be here, I'd be lying if I said I did, but I had no choice, she needs me. Cheryl Brady... me best friend we were so close when she lived in the village, but now she's getting _

_married, that's why I'm here it really did take her long enough to set the date... I don't blame her, many people think I do... for what happened...I mean maybe at first I did _

_but deep down I knew that he was only trying to protect her, and really no matter what me or Cheryl said to him, he was never going to change his mind. It has been two _

_years since I last saw him, I promised him a happy ever after...(sigh) but a lot has changed since then, well for one me mum and I worked out our differences right before _

_she 'past away' , then I met me dad in the most awkward way anyone could ever imagine but that story is for another place and time, I found out shortly after that I wasn't _

_an only child, turns out I had a sister... I met her a couple of weeks after me mum died. I stopped dealing drug shortly after that, got the kids & Amy back in me life, even _

_got the deli back I'm more of a silent partner with the business now, Doug runs it mainly, although I'll try to help out whenever he really needs it. Every time I finally feel like _

_my life is getting back to normal, there is always something that pulls me away from it, there is always something missing... and that's __**him.**_

"Oh my God, Babe, you're finally here!" Ste could hear a familiar voice stated, Cheryl Brady, oh how he had missed that voice, he turn around to see her coming towards him

followed closely by Nathan. Cheryl pulled Ste into a hug, "Babe, you have no idea how much I've missed you." Ste couldn't help but laugh, "Cheryl, you were in town two

weeks ago..."

"I know I just missed you!" She squealed out causing it to echo throughout the airport.

"I've missed you too, Chez." Ste stated with a smile as he pulled away from the hug.

"Ste." Nate greeted.

"Hey Nate, how are you?"

"I'm very well, thank you, how about you?"

"Really glad to be off the plane. What are you guys doing here anyways I thought I was going to meet you at the hotel?"Ste questioned.

"Well, yeah, but then I started to think that you would probably be tired after everything, then I thought why should you go pay for a hotel when we have room at ours, so

we hopped in the car, drove all the way here to surprise ya!" She explained proudly.

"I can't say I didn't like this surprise." Ste responded. Cheryl quickly grabbed Ste's bag and handed it to Nate to carry, "Chez, I am capable of carrying my own bag." Ste

stated as he tried to retrieve his bag. "You are not allowed to fight me on this, you are our guess and Nate will be carrying your bag." Cheryl stated as she linked arms with

him. The three made their way out of the airport. The drive to Chez & Nate's house wasn't that long with Cheryl's aimless chatter, Ste could only smile he had forgotten how

talkative Cheryl was, "Oh and Deccy just got his license so he's driving with Padraig so they should be here by tomorrow, Elieen wasn't too happy with that, though, but

that's the joy of having kids grow up I guess, oh and then on Wednesday my Auntie from my mum's side is flying in..."

"Chez...Chez!"

"Yeah, love?" "Not to be mean but why are you telling me all of this?"

"Was I going on?"

"Just a little bit, Babe." Nate stated from the drivers seat.

"I'm sorry, I'm just really excited!"

"It shows, but I'm glad the kids are coming, though. Haven't seen Declan since the last time he was in the village and I'll finally get to meet Padraig."

"The kids are dead excited too, Declan keeps on asking about you." Nate added as they continued down the road. The rest of the trip was quiet, Ste tried his best to keep his

mind off of him, he never thought in a million years he would be here getting ready to celebrate Chez's wedding without the love of his life. Twenty minutes had past when

Nate pulled the car into the long drive way. At this point all Ste wanted to do was sleep. Nate placed the car in park, the three made their way out of the car, " Why does this

place seem bigger to me?" Ste jokingly questioned.

"It's been awhile since ye last been here." Cheryl stated as she grabbed his bag. "Well, what are ya waiting for come on." The three made their way into the house, Ste had

missed it here, it was so quiet, he kind of missed that, with the kids and Amy back in the village, his sister moving in with him and Sinead, quiet was one thing Ste was not

used to. Ste was lead into the family room as Cheryl quickly ran up stairs to make sure the guest room was tidy. Ste looked around the room, it was filled with pictures he

had seen a thousand times and some new ones. He walked to the fireplace where he saw a group picture of Cheryl, Lynsey, and Joel with Brendan frowning in the

background a smile grew across Ste's face, that man was never one for pictures. Ste placed the picture back next it was a picture of Ste and Cheryl from her engagement

party at the Dog. So much had changed since then, Ste looked through the familar faces in the background when he came across the devil himself, Seamus Brady, the man

who caused all the pain, the monster that hurt the love of his life, Ste hoped that monster was rotting in hell where he belonged.

"Alright, Babe, everything's good upstairs..." Cheryl stated as she re-entered the room causing Ste to be broken out of his thoughts. Ste placed the picture back, "You should

know I hate him for what he did to our Bren," She stated.

"I know, Chez." Ste stated. "He was my Dad, though, and even after everything... I still love him. What kind of person does that make me? What would Brendan say..."

Cheryl questioned as she picked up the picture that Ste was holding.

"That makes you a good person, Chez. 'Cause you... you somehow held on to the good memories of your father... your brother, he wouldn't think any less of you for that. He

loves you." Ste stated as he took the picture from her and placed it back on to the fireplace. Before anything else could be said the two were interrupted.

"Surprise!" a young boy with a thick irish accent yelled out. Ste and Cheryl turned their attention towards the entrance of the family room to see Declan and Padraig. Cheryl

nearly knocked over Ste as she jumped to greet her nephews, " Oh my god, Deccy, Paddy, what are you guys doing here?!" she asked as she pulled them in for a hug.

"I thought it be fun to come a day early, that way we get to spend more time with ye before the wedding." Declan explained as he set his and his brother's bags on the

ground. " You alright, Ste?" Declan asked with a smile. A smile just like his father's. Ste thought to himself, "Ta, how about you guys? How was your trip?" he asked.

"It was pretty good but Pad kept asking if we were there yet." Declan explained.

"Before I forget Paddy, I want to officially introduce you to one of my best mates from Hollyoaks, Ste. Ste this is Padraig."

"Hi." the preteen stated shyly.

"Its very nice to meet you Padraig, your auntie as told me lot about you." Ste stated as he shook Paddy's hand.

"Right, the three of yas must be hungry who wants lunch?" Cheryl asked.

Declan and Padraig cheered as they ran into the kitchen Cheryl stopped noticing that Ste wasn't following, "You coming, Babe?"

"Uh...no... I think I'm going to lie down for a bit. I'm kind of tired from the trip."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Ste stated as he made his way towards the stairs.

"Oh, alright, love." Cheryl stated warmly. Ste made his way up the stairs and made his way into his room. He slowly close the door behind him and leaned up against it.

_Why am I here? Why did I think for a minute that I could handle this? Being around his kids, his sister, his entire family, and what am I supposed to do walk around with a _

_fake smile painted across my face? He should be here, he should be with his family, this was a mistake... I know he would want me to be here, how am I... why... for two _

_freaking years I was fine I got me life back on track without giving him a second thought and now all of a sudden... I hate him sometimes...I hate that I need him... I hate _

_the fact that it always comes done to him._

Ste wiped the tears that were fall his face and hopped into the bed, "what did I get myself into?"After Cheryl left Ste in the family room, she made her way into the kitchen

where the boys were raiding the refrigerator, "Alright you two away from the frigerator." she demanded with a smile. The boys backed away leaving a mess behind them. "I

swear you two are worse than your father in a kitchen." she joked as she gathered the food she needed.

"Where's Ste?" Declan asked.

"Uh, he went for a lie down." Cheryl answered quickly.

"Is he okay?"

"He's fine sweetie, he's just tired from his trip that's all, Paddy can you set the table for me?" She stated. The two watched the young boy as he grabbed the plates and the

silverware and as made his way into the dining room.

"He seemed off." Declan stated.

"Who Ste? Why would you think that?"

"This is about Dad, isn't it?" Declan asked. Cheryl stopped dead in her tracks. "I know he and Dad were together, as much as Mum wanted to hide it from us, I also know that

He and Dad...well... I know that things ended in a bad way, in a way that neither of them wanted... He was acting weird Aunt Chez, and its cause of Dad isn't it, being around

us.. it reminds him of..."

"Deccy, it's no secret that your Dad and Ste's relationship wasn't perfect, but...(sigh)...look I'm sure Ste is fine." She finally stated as she continued to cook. "Look go get

your Uncle Nate, lunch will be ready in 20 minutes. He should be out back."

Declan didn't move, "Deccy... please." she plead. Declan made his way out to the backyard.

Cheryl placed the knife she was holding down, "Please...Lord let Ste be okay. Please."

**End Of Part One**


	2. Numb

_People always say that love isn't easy… but when it's right…you'll do anything to keep it alive. He was everything to me. He completed me…He made me the man I am today. _

_Me kids, his kids, Him and me we could have been happy. Life has a funny way of changing in a split second, things get taken, lives tend to crumble, in the end you have no _

_choice but to pick yourself up and move on… whatever that means._

Ste made his way out of his room and into the bathroom the next morning. His eyes bloodshot red from the tears, he couldn't remember if he even truly slept, he slowly

closed the bathroom door behind him, and examined his face in the mirror.

"Come on, Ste pull yourself together." Ste whispered to himself as he turned on the water to wash his face. After taking a quick shower and a change of clothes, Ste made his

way down to the kitchen to see Chez, Nate, and the kids sitting at the table eating breakfast.

"Morning, Love." Cheryl cautiously greeted.

"Morning, guys." He replied back.

"Let me get you something to eat." Nate stated as he made his way into the kitchen.

"Nate, ya don't have to, I'm not really hungry."

"It's no problem really."

"it's fine, I'll just have a cup of coffee."

Nate grabbed a cup from the cupboard and handed it to Ste as he made his way back to the table. Ste pour himself a cup of coffee as the four at the table stared, he than

quickly join the rest. An awkward silence filled the room as Ste took a sip of his coffee.

"So...How…was everyone's night?" Ste asked as he set his cup down on the table.

"Good." They each stated in unison.

"Good...Um...Sorry for, uh…missing dinner last night."

"Don't worry about it, Love, we understand." Cheryl stated warmly.

"Apparently, I was more tired than I had thought."

"Well, don't worry about it, Love, we completely understand." Cheryl reassured her friend.

After Breakfast Cheryl, Nate, and Paddy got dressed and head out to get Padraig a suit for the wedding while Ste and Declan stayed behind to relax. Ste had quickly given his

Dad a call to see how the kids were doing. He wasn't too crazy leaving Leah and Lucas alone with Danny, sure the man was his Dad, there was still so much that he didn't

know about him, but with Amy away and Leah & Lucas both being sick there was nothing left for him to do.

"…but she's okay now, right… okay well that's good, I really want to thank you for watching them while me and Ames are away…I know your me Dad…I know…ya…Tell the

kids I love them and I'll be home soon, I'll talk to you later." Ste finally stated as he ended the call. He made his way into the kitchen to see Declan digging through the

refrigerator, Ste tried his best to hold back his laughter, " I swear you are the spitting image of your father."

"What?" Declan questioned as he turned away from the open fridge.

"You just ate breakfast and you're looking for more food?"

"Well I'm hungry for something sweet." Declan with a smirk. Ste walked around the counter he grabbed some bread and a jar of seedless jam.

"How did you…"

"You're talking about your family, Declan." Ste responded with a small smile as he prepared the sandwich. He placed the sandwich on a plate and handed it over to the teen.

"Thanks." Declan stated as he took a bite of the sandwich as he made his way over to the

"So are you excited about your internship?" Ste asked as he quickly clean up the mess he had made.

" Yeah, never really thought I'd be in to advertisement but it's not that bad."

"Advertisement that's cool."

"Auntie Chez says I have a mind just like Dad's when it comes to business." Declan replied as he took another bite of the sandwich. Ste poured himself another cup of coffee

before he joined Declan at the table.

"He was good at what he did, that's for sure." Ste stated with a smile.

"Ste… can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Did my dad ever talk about us? Paddy and Me?"

Ste paused for a second, "…Of course, he did you two were…are his world. He loves you two more than life itself. Where is this all coming from?"

"… Its nothing really."

"Declan…"

"With me going off to Uni …I just always thought Dad would be there and… I mean he's not even answering any of mine or Paddy's letters and every time Auntie Chez goes

to see him he always closed off according to her."

"Wait what?"

"What?"

"Cheryl, been to see him?" Ste questioned his face was filled with shock.

"She hasn't recently…"

Ste sat back in his chair. "You okay, Ste?" Declan asked.

"…Yeah…"

"Are ye sure?"

Ste sucked in air trying to hide the hurt that was planted across his face, "I'm fine... I'm sure your dad…he's just hurt that he's missing out on so much…"

"I guess. Have you been able to go in to see him lately?" Declan asked.

"Umm… no… I uh… didn't know he was even…" Ste stated in disbelief.

"Auntie Chez didn't tell you she'd visiting Dad?"

"No"

"I'm sure she wasn't trying to hide it…"Declan try to reassure Ste.

"…umm, are ya going to be alright if I go upstairs for a little bit?" Ste asked ignoring Declan's statement.

"Umm, yeah, but Ste…." Before Declan could finish his sentence Ste had made his way out of the kitchen and made his way up the stairs. Once he made it into his room he shut the door behind him.

_She's seen him! She lied to me! She has been lying to me for nearly two years. She told me that he cut himself off from everyone that he loved, after everything that has _

_happened..._

Before Ste knew it tears began to roll down his cheek, he pulled the necklace for under his shirt held onto the crucifix tightly in his hand and pulled it close to his chest. Ste

leaned against the door and slowly slid down to the ground.

_Why…Am I even here! All this time, her coming to the village for a surprise visits where all a joke! This crap of she missed me…_

Ste pulled his phone out to see a picture of his Dad and three sisters along with Leah, Lucas and baby Rosie displayed accrossed the lock screen. He unlocked the phone and

pulled up the pictures. Picture after picture some of Leah and Lucas, some of Amy and Doug, and different faces from the village, he continued flipping through the pictures

until he came across a video. He froze before pressing play.

"_Seriously, Steven, will ya stop recording me!__" _Ste watched the screen intensively seeing the love of his life's face nearly cause Ste to stop breathing. _Our Night in Dublin_, Ste

thought to himself.

"_Oh come on Bren, this is the first day of us being a proper couple I want to remember this for the rest of me life."_Ste watched as his former lover moved closer on the

screen then he saw himself come onto the screen, he watch as he and Brendan kissed, he could still feel Brendan wrapped around him, he remember just feeling so safe like

nothing could never hurt him, and he had missed that feeling.

"_I love you"_

"_I love you, too."_

Ste quickly stop the video and began sobbing even harder "_I Love You_" rang out through his continued going through the pictures he stop once more on a picture of

the kids, himself and Brendan. _He and I were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together. Why did I go after him? Why didn't I just get on that plane to America? None _

_of this would be happening… Doug … Doug would still be alive and I'd still be happy… Why…Why do I let Him get under me skin?_

A wave of anger filled Ste, he rose from the ground chucking his phone across the room, he began ripping apart the room, Ste screaming, "This is for all those times you

made me believe. For all those time you said you loved me, that you'd never leave me!" Ste screamed even louder as he continued to throw items across the room, " I love

you and this is what I get!"

Just then three quick knocks came from the door it was Declan, "Ste, are you okay?"

"Go away, Declan!" Ste yelled back.

"Ste… just let me in."

"Declan, please, just… I need to be alone!"

"Look, if what I said upset ya."

"Deccy, please." Ste choked out.

A minute had past before Ste realized that Declan had gone. Ste stared at the torn up room, his head was killing him, and his eyes were stained blood shot red from the

tears. I need to get out of here. He made his way out of the room and down the stairs. He quickly found Cheryl's car and headed for the front door.

"Ste, where are you going?" Declan asked.

"Out." Ste stated without even facing in Declan's direction.

"Do you think it's a good idea for you to be driving right now?"

"I need… I can't be here right now." Ste stated coldly.

"I didn't know." Declan stated.

"You didn't know what?"

"That Da cut all ties with ya."

Ste didn't respond.

"I wouldn't have said anything…"

"It's not your fault, Declan." Ste stated trying to hide the tears that had now been where falling.

"Ste."

"I can't, Declan…please don't" Ste stated as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. He continued to make his way out of the house. Declan wasn't far behind him.

"Ste, please, look you're not in the right mind to be driving right now. Come back inside and we'll talk about it." He called out as Ste made his way to the car and got in.

"Get back in the house Declan." Ste stated as he started the car. Ste backed the car down the driveway and on to the main-street and sped away.

"Damn it." Declan breathed out.

Ten minutes had past since Ste had stormed out of the house. Declan try multiple times calling him, but with no luck. Declan made his way up to Ste's room, seeing it all torn

up, he looked around the room to see Ste's phone laying on the ground. Declan unlocked the phone to see a picture of his Dad, Ste and Ste's kids.

"Declan?!" He could hear his Aunt calling from downstairs. He made his way out of the room and back downstairs to see his brother, Chez and Nate

"There you are, would ya mind telling me where my car is?"

"Ste took it."

"He what? " Chez question.

"He was in a right state."

"What about?" Nate asked.

"Apparently, he didn't know Dad was seeing visitors."

"What?" Cheryl questioned.

"Aunt Chez, why didn't ya tell me that Da cut all ties with Ste?"

"What did you tell him?" Cheryl asked.

"Nothing, one moment we're talking about Da then the next thing I know he's upstairs ripping his room apart.

"Did he say where he was going?" Nate asked.

"No, he just took off." Declan responded.

Ste had been driving for about an hour before he made it into town. He pulled into a parking lot after he had parked he made his way over to the closest pub. He walked over

to the bar, "Whiskey." he stated to the bartender as he sat down.

"Doesn't seem like wee lad like you could handle something that strong." the man who was sitting a few seats away from him stated.

The bartender handed Ste his drink, "I'll be fine, thanks." Ste stated bitterly as he quickly down the drink. He choked a little bit, he could hear the man next to him laugh.

"I'll have another." Ste stated to the bartender. The bartender brought the bottle over and filled the cup. "You know what just leave the bottle." Ste stated coldly as he

grabbed it.

"Well, you mean business don't ya?" the same man asked. "How about a toast, then?'

"How's this, Here's to loving and being loyal to a cold hearted bastard, may he rot in that hell hole." he stated as he through back another drink.

"Trouble in Paradise I take it?"

Ste chuckled as he poured himself another drink, "He was trouble from the moment he came into me life."

"And ya think whiskey is the answer?"

"What are you, my mother?"

"Just saying, mate."

"First of all I ain't your mate and Second I came here to be alone, so if ya don't mind." Ste stated as he watch the older man return to his seat. Ste poured himself another

drink.

_I've been loyal to Him for nearly five years, really I shouldn't be surprised this is how it always ends with Him. Me, alone, and alcohol. _

_Always alone.._


End file.
